February 20, 2023

The Politics of Queerness: More Than Who You Love with Sharhonda Bossier

In this podcast episode, Sharhonda shares her experiences as a bisexual woman and reflects on the LGBTQ community and its changes over time. She mentions that more people are openly identifying as queer, but the push for marriage has flattened queerness in some ways. She also highlights the need for queer dedicated spaces and the importance of talking about queerness as a political issue that intersects with class. Sharhonda also touches on the experiences of queer people of color and the need for activism in local communities. Finally, she offers advice for queer people of color who are considering coming out, acknowledging that it's a personal decision and that everyone has different considerations.

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[00:00:00] Sharhonda: People in your life are cheering for you and they can't cheer for you if they don't know what you want. Sherry is caring. Yeah. .

[00:00:10] Stephanie: Today on the Beyond Dating Podcast, Shonda shares some of her dating experiences and how to support the queer community.

And our sponsor for today's episodes is beyond the newest dating app in town. Check it out@datebeyond.co. So when you. because you like lived a lot of places. Mm-hmm. and you're like, you like to travel and stuff. Like how do you meet people to date when

[00:00:53] Sharhonda: you're traveling? I actually don't meet people to date when I'm traveling.

Okay. Truthfully, I think in my early thirties I did, but at this phase and stage I don't really, um, I. , I just am sort of not interested in, like, I'm not in a hookup phase right now. I think if I were, then I'd be much more open to it. Um, and I was in a long distance relationship for two years. Uh, I eventually moved to be in the same city with him, but, um, I, I just like, there's something about dating someone who was like local where you can on a Wednesday just be like, can we grab dinner?

You know, that I really, that I like and that I missed. And so yeah. I'm. Not doing, not doing the meeting. People when I travel. I was on a group trip in November. And Martinique and St. Lucia with like a group of folks. And like there was definitely like the, I came here to meet people on this trip and like have my little weeklong fling and I was like, best of luck in God's feet.

Do you want me to make sure you made it home? You know ? Yeah. I'm going to bed, but goodnight. Yeah. Oh, that's sweet.

[00:02:01] Stephanie: I love, I like those little like vacation flings, you know? I'm like, that's cute.

[00:02:05] Sharhonda: They can be fun. That can


[00:02:07] Stephanie: fun. It's nice to have somebody like available. Yes. That is here. Yeah. So have you noticed that men are like more available than in the past or like less available?

[00:02:21] Sharhonda: Uh, what do you mean?

[00:02:22] Stephanie: Like for dates and like trying to court

[00:02:27] Sharhonda: you and Yeah. I mean, , uh, well, I date everybody, um, but I. in la What's interesting is I think lots of folks want to be busy. Mm-hmm. and want to be busier than they are. And so it feels like a lot of coordination to like get on people's calendars, et cetera.

Um, at least in the beginning. Um, I will say that women. And fems tend to be much more communicative about their schedules and like availability. And I feel like play fewer games around the who's, who's chasing whom, you know? Um, men and cis men in particular tend to be the ones that are like, well, I don't know.

I'll let you know. And I'm like, this is not okay. . Yeah.

[00:03:15] Stephanie: Like, talk to me.

[00:03:16] Sharhonda: Like, do you wanna go out? Yeah. Or do you not? Yeah. Yeah, because we don't have time for games. Like be direct. Yeah. I don't like lack of clarity. Yeah. I don't do it. So are we start. I think so. Yeah.

[00:03:28] Stephanie: Oh, . We're always rolling.

[00:03:32] Sharhonda: Okay, so you date men and women and non-binary people and you know, cis people, trans people, everybody.

[00:03:39] Stephanie: So what are some, um, You know, like things that have been consistent across the board of

[00:03:46] Sharhonda: all genders. Yeah, I would say, um, the busy thing, right? The like, am I busy? Am I really available? Um, I would say I think everybody struggles to articulate what they want and what they're looking for in dating. Um, and I would say,

What's interesting in LA is everyone is like, let's just keep it casual, you know? Um, and you know, I'm out. I'm almost 40. And so it's also interesting to be at this phase of life and figuring out what casual means at this point, right? Cause it's like I have my own space, I have my own routine, I have family, I have friends.

And so fitting someone in even casually you have, I have to be intentional about. Um, but I also am like, I'm not trying to spend two years just like maybe seeing you every other week. Like I also am looking for something a little more consistent than that. Um, but yeah, the like. , I'm busy. I don't really know what I'm looking for.

True and consistent across the board. Mm-hmm. . And then what are some

[00:04:54] Stephanie: differences that

[00:04:55] Sharhonda: you Yeah, women and fems dress up for dates. Okay. Um, like there is very clearly effort, you know, like they walk in and you're like, I see that you were excited about meeting me and like, you look good. And a lot of the cis men I date, I'm like, , did you shower today?

Because, no. So sometimes I'm like, you just really rolled out okay. Like you just rolled outta bed and like, that's cool. Um, and I would say, um, that, that, like anything that feels like courtship or effort seems much harder to get from cis hetero men. I don't know what they're doing, but somehow they have come to see themselves as like the prize in dating.

I also think that part of it is like our culture weaponizes the threat of loneliness for, you know, against women and women as we age in particular. And so I think men are like, you're gonna either put up with my shit or you're gonna be by yourself. And I'm like, baby, I will be by myself cuz this ain't it.

Right? Yes. You're like, I'm taking good care of myself. You

[00:06:01] Stephanie: gotta add on. Yes, exactly. Um, so then like it's, has it, it's gotten worse over. throughout

[00:06:08] Sharhonda: your whole dating life. Yeah, I mean, worship, I, so let me also just say I was in a, a relationship with one person from the time I was 19 until I was 29. Okay.

So I didn't start dating until I was 30. Um, and so a lot of the practice that people got in their twenties and a lot of the things that people learned about themselves and their dating preferences in their twenties, I didn't learn until I was 30. Um, and. , hence the fuckboy phase. We were talking about and um, you know, I, so I don't know if part of it is I've got, I've gotten older and like I'm in new and different cities, or if it's just like dating overall has changed because I don't really have.

A point of comparison around like what it's like to date as an adult, right? Mm-hmm. . Um, I will say that I think as I have gotten older, the barrier to entry into my life is higher, right? So for me to make space for you, you've gotta really be like bringing something to the table. Um, and I also think that, you know, When I meet people, there are a ton of questions about what I'm looking for.

I think people, you know, as a 39 year old woman, people are like, do you want kids? Do you want marriage, et cetera, because I think there's an assumption that I'm rushing towards those things, or I am, I feel like I'm behind. And the fact of the matter is I don't want either of those. . Right. Um, and so I, I think that that is also an interesting thing where you're like, Hey, not gonna try and rush you down the aisle.

not gonna try and rush you towards parenthood. Um, is also a signal that I feel like I have to send pretty regularly and like, what's

[00:07:50] Stephanie: the response like? I'm sure you get a lot of like pushback from. . I don't know other women. I know, even my family, I'm like, okay, I don't wanna get married and have kids, like is my plan?

And they're

[00:08:01] Sharhonda: like, no, when are you gonna do this? And I'm, yeah. Yeah, I'm like 26. . . Yeah. So, you know, my grandmother is disappointed that I haven't had children. Um, and for her. So let me take a step back. When I came out to my family, they were like, yeah, this now, okay, yeah, makes sense. And they, they had a little bit of a hard time around it.

Like truthfully, they would all deny that now, but they did. And. Because I was with the same woman for so long, they were like, this is it. Y'all are gonna get married, y'all are gonna have kids. And then when we split and neither of those things had happened, um, a few years ago, my grandmother was like, okay, so you're really not gonna have kids.

Like we thought you were just doing the, like I went to college and I'm a career woman thing. But like, we thought eventually you would give in on at least the kid thing. My grandmother asked me a couple of years ago about my ex-girlfriend and whether or not she would be willing to carry kids for me

And I was like, That is, no, that's not how this works. You know? Also, she's married now. No. You know, um, but. At or Thanksgiving this year. You know, my grandmother was like, okay, like you're knocking on 40. Like for real, for real? Are you really not gonna do this? And I'm actually quite surprised by that. I thought that she would let it go because she's let go of most other hopes and dreams she's had for me, , when I haven't fulfilled them.

But this one for some reason seems to be a sticking point. I mean, my friends sort of get it. I'm also at the, at the age now where my women friends who are. Partnered are and want children are thinking about different pathways to parenthood. Right? Right. So lots of my friends are freezing their eggs and like ch choosing donors.

We like, you know, have donor parties these days. And um, that's also a different thing too, because I'm watching them want to pursue parent. while they're also pursuing partnership. And that seems far more complicated than anything I'm dealing with. Mm-hmm. . Wait, what's a donor party like? Yeah. So incredibly hard to find black men, donors.

Mm-hmm. , um, like, you know, so we. We, we create spreadsheets and you know, we like link people's profiles. You know, we sort of go down, here are the things you said you were looking for in a donor. Um, and then we, we submit like, here are our top three choices, you know, for like, who you should pick. What's interesting though is like you have to remind your friends when you're selecting a do when, when they're selecting a.

I'm not having nobody's babies. Um, like this person is not going to help you raise your child, right? So they're like, I don't know. I didn't really like his answer about where he likes to vacation. Atlanta and Miami seem real basic, you know, you're like, girl, he's not going, he's not raising the baby with you.

You just like, you know. So those things are interesting and fun, but I also think it's a way that many of us have tried to take the pressure off the situation for our friends who are going through this process, cuz I think it can feel very lonely. Very isolating. Um, especially if you thought your path to parenthood would look different, you know?

[00:11:09] Stephanie: Wow. And so what was your process like, you know, coming out and embracing your sexuality and just so you know, owning

[00:11:17] Sharhonda: yourself as a woman. Yeah, I, I've been out. At this point on basically all my life, like my close friends at, at like new in high school. And then I entered college, like out and by. And then um, what was interesting was breaking up with my ex-girlfriend and then reminding people that I was by.

Because when I started dating men, people were like, what's happening? You're a lesbian. And I was like, ah, yes, no, I'm not. You know? Um, but I also identified as a lesbian at work, because when I was on the road, you know, this, people get on the road, they forget all sorts of norms, and you're like, Hey, I know we're at a conference, but we are not here to hook up.

Like, I know you're away from your wife, but like, no, this is not something, this is not. And so it was actually much easier for me to say to men, I'm not interested in you because I'm a lesbian, than like, I'm not interested in you because we work together. And so I, the, my coming out was actually at 30 for real, was like, I'm not a lesbian, I'm bisexual.

I date all the people. You know, I think if I'd come out later or had been younger, pansexual might actually be the identifier for me. But, um, BI is a term that I embrace so early and feels fine, uh, that it's the one I still use. Nice.

[00:12:39] Stephanie: Incredible. And with like throughout your life, what differences have you noticed in like the l g LGBTQ community?

[00:12:50] Sharhonda: Yeah, I think, um, what will I say about that? Um, I think more people are openly identifying as queer. Um, I think even people who are partnered with someone of the opposite sex or opposite gender are like still identifying as queer, which I think is really important. Um, I think we have much more language to talk about our preferences, our experiences, both of gender and sexuality, and I think all of that is great.

I think one of the things that has been disappointing to me has been the push towards things like this is gonna be controversial, but like marriage, right? Because I feel like. People should be able to marry whoever they wanna marry. And all of that is right and good and you know, but I think in some ways our push to be seen as like normal or just like you, I just happen to like someone of the same sex or same gender, has actually flattened queerness in a way that, um, I sort of miss some of the.

Yeah, like the queer spaces that were really fun and funky, et cetera. I mean, like it's hard to find gay bars now, as you know, if you do, a lot of the folks in there are straight and you're like, oh, great. You're here for a bachelorette. Wonderful. You know, um, or I think people queerness in some ways, and queer people because of our sort of push to move more into the mainstream, we've lost some of the politic around queerness, and I miss that.

Okay, so what would

[00:14:25] Stephanie: you do to change

[00:14:26] Sharhonda: that? That's a good question. I think, you know, I think it's important that younger people who may not know, understand that like there's a whole. Sort of movement right? That made their being out in queer and safe possible. Right? Um, I do think that having queer dedicated spaces is important.

Um, and I wish that there were more of them and that folks were still creating and curating them. Um, I also think we have to talk about queerness as a politic. It's more than about like who you go to bed with, right? It's supposed to be about your relation to power, how you see the world, how you understand your place in it.

Um, and I think I. We should talk about how queerness in class intersect, because truthfully, the push to marriage was about wealthy gay people wanting to be able to, you know, pass on wealth, you know, all that other stuff. And so I remember, you know, living in New York before New York had marriage equality.

And, you know, showing up to events because like the police were harassing masculine, lesbian women, you know, and being like, this is, this is like one side of my like queer world, right? Where we're like, we just want the police to stop harassing us. And the other side of my queer world is like, I would like to be able to pass on my , you know, resources to my spouse when I die.

And like, not that either of those are invalid, but I do think increasingly the experiences of poor queer people and poor queer people of color in particular are left out of some of the bigger queer conversations. Do you have any

[00:16:08] Stephanie: ideas on how we can help those groups? , ,

[00:16:12] Sharhonda: I did not mean for this to turn into an activist conversation.

I, but I love that . Um, yeah. I mean, there are likely in local communities, organizations, you know, that are organizing around these issues, particularly around safety, around access to employment, especially for trans people. Um, and access to safe and stable housing, right? Um, and so I would look for, for those.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. .

[00:16:36] Stephanie: Wow. And then do you have any tips for any queer people of color that you know, maybe aren't out yet or are curious about coming out or just want to live their most authentic self?

[00:16:49] Sharhonda: You know, coming out is such a, Personal thing, you know, for a while I was like, everybody should just come out.

It's fine, you know? And like, fuck your family if they're not okay with it. And then I realized that so many people are like, I, I never know what someone is calculating when they're making the decision to come out or not, or who to come out to or not, right? One of my good friends talks about inviting in, right?

So like, are you a person that this person feels safe enough to invite into that part of their lives? And so I've started to think about it differently. . Um, I think people should only do it if it's safe. Right. Um, and I, but I do think that people should know that there's a bigger and broader and more welcoming community than they could ever anticipate.

Mm-hmm. ? Yeah.

[00:17:33] Stephanie: Amazing. That's incredible. Okay, so, oh wow. That's just

[00:17:39] Sharhonda: got deep in this . I was like, you can cut that . No, I'm

[00:17:43] Stephanie: all motivated. I'm like, okay, let me go open a lesbian bar in Miami because, and I can never

[00:17:48] Sharhonda: find one. Keep the hawking and like keep the, because. So I have a, I'm the oldest of eight siblings.

Oh wow. I know too many kids. Um, that's why I don't have any actually, cuz I've done my parenting. Um, my youngest sibling is, uh, is also queer. Mm-hmm. . Um, and you know, she came, she and her partner came to LA for Pride this past year. They live in Texas. And um, you know, I was like basically the chaperone, so I was like, fine, I'll be sober and like, drive you around.

And what was interesting. Seeing LA Pride through her eyes were 14 years apart, um, was like, . Oh, I remember my ahas. You know, I remember the first time I felt safe the first time I looked around and I was like, everybody is holding hands with somebody who , you know, of the same gender or same sex. So, um, that was, yeah, that was in, that was incredible.

I forgot the point I was gonna make at that, but that was, you know. Yeah. Um, yeah. Open a queer bar and, oh, that's the thing. So I, we're at a bar in West Hollywood. And there's a man in there, and I'm like, all right dude. It's like, it's dyke night, but fine. You know? And he's like hovering over my sister's partner, right?

Mm-hmm. . And he's like, can I buy you a drink? Can I, you know this, or can I that? And I'm like, dude, back the fuck up. Right? So then I feel like, A mom in the club where I'm like, you're not even supposed to be in here, . Get outta here. But it was awful. And I, you know, I think that's the, the other thing too, right, is like often straight people who were in queer spaces are not thinking about the fact that they're guests in those spaces, right?

Um, and that, like, especially during pride in West Hollywood on dyke night, dude, you, you can't be an asshole. You know what I mean? Like, this is, if there's any night in any space where you should not. like hovering over a woman. It is now, honestly, something

[00:19:49] Stephanie: similar happened to me cause I was here for pride.

Mm-hmm. And I was at the bar with a bunch of my girlfriends and we're dancing and this dude like would not leave me alone. Mm-hmm. . And I had some of my gay guy friends there who comes up

[00:20:00] Sharhonda: all like, who does my girl voice? And I was like, oh yeah, thanks for saving me. But like, I'm like, we just want a

[00:20:08] Stephanie: space and to be free and dance and relax.

[00:20:12] Sharhonda: and here you are. And here you are. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[00:20:16] Stephanie: So. Back to dating a little bit. Oh yeah. Okay. So you've, um, you've tr lived in a bunch of cities. Mm-hmm. , what are some differences that you've noticed dating across different cities?

[00:20:28] Sharhonda: Yeah, so I lived in New York, um, when I was sort of first single, and that was interesting.

I think, you know, New York actually was probably one of the best dating cities for me. Um, I don't know if that was cuz I was like 30 and like young. Or if it was, if it's just sort of like the nature of a city of that many people where you can just kind of like find your people, find your community, et cetera.

I did a brief stint in the South, so lived in both New Orleans and Memphis. Um, and sort of was like in an on again off again thing. And so did some dating there. And what was interesting about that is that like even in my early thirties, I was dating people who were already divorced and had children cuz people tend to get married earlier there.

Um, but it also felt like people were dating to Mary there, right? Like it, it felt like a. . And some of that is like the pressure around not, you know, being single or unmarried in a place where culturally that is odd for people. Um, it was much harder to date women in both New Orleans and Memphis chiefly because a lot of them weren't out.

And a decision I had made was that like, I, I couldn't do that. Like I didn't, nobody's mama better call me they roommate, you know what I mean? Like that. It's fine if that's where you are, but it's like, not what I want. . Um, and a lot of women were married to men and dating women, and it was like the sort of agreement in their marriages and I was like, yeah, I don't want that either.

So didn't do that. Um, and then when I came to la, you know, sort of. , I've been back home almost 7 1 0 6 and a half years now. Um, and like for a couple of those I have been not dating, um, cuz I've, you know, been with people. Um, and I think what's interesting here is I think I'm just older, you know? Um, and I think, um, LA is a place where if you, there's like a revolving door of people too.

Like it's not a place where many people are like, it's rare you meet someone who's from LA when you're in la. Um, and so I think that there's just sort of constant and steady supply or stream of like new and interesting folks. Folks are always in town for work or for visiting or for whatever. And so I think if you don't want to settle down, LA is a good place to.

Have a little fun and like keep it pushing. Okay.

[00:23:07] Stephanie: So do you think that in the future. Do you think marriage is gonna be as big as what it has been in the past? Or like what do you think is gonna happen to marriage? Yeah, that's

[00:23:19] Sharhonda: a good question. The traditional relationships, I think increasingly people in my circle anyway are thinking of marriage as a contractual thing.

Um, I know lots of people who are legally married but are in various forms of open or poly relationships, et cetera. Um, I still think. That's not to say they're, they're not people who are like, I desire to be married, et cetera. I think people who are like, I want my person, I've dreamed of this since I was a little girl.

I like had clippings of wedding gowns. I think those people still exist. Um, but I think also the fact that people talk much more openly about how hard marriage is, the fact that we know how many marriages end in divorce, et cetera. I think people are redefining marriage. Um, I, I think. . What's interesting to me too is meeting and dating people who are religious or who are people of faith and like the role that that plays in like their view of marriage.

I'm still surprised that the number of folks who get married because they feel pressured by their faith communities or their families, I don't think that's going away anytime soon. So then what

[00:24:25] Stephanie: is modern dating and what are modern relationships by your

[00:24:29] Sharhonda: definition? I think people have a lot more freedom to define.

They are looking for when they are dating and what they are looking for in a relationship. Um, I would say, . Yeah, I, I would say that I think there's a push towards like more equality in relationships, right? I think people are talking openly more openly about their needs, you know, getting how to get them met, et cetera.

Um, and that all feels very modern to me. Mm-hmm. , um, yeah, I think some of it is also though, I think people want their person, you know, and so I think people are thinking about who their anchor partner is as they continue to explore what else they want. And

[00:25:20] Stephanie: if you could create your. Ideal relationship, like write your own story

[00:25:25] Sharhonda: Well, how does the story go? We don't live together. Um, . I think one of the things that's gotten harder as I have like gotten older is like, you really, oh, you put that, okay. You wanna put that there? That's all right. Um, you know, I. For me, I'm looking for someone who can be a soft place to land, right? Um, I have a ton of responsibility at work.

I have a ton of familial responsibility and I just, I want a place where like, I can be soft. Um, I want a place where I can be honest about what's hard. I want a place where, um, you know, I, I love adventure, so like, I love to travel. I love to, I like to hike. I like to kayak. Even like locally, you know, I want an adventure buddy.

Um, and I want someone who is committed to something bigger than themselves, right? That's like really important to me. Um, and I want somebody who's gonna push and challenge me too. I can be, um, I can be me, I can be inflexible, I can be all sorts of things, right? And I think I'm looking for somebody who can, yeah, just help me be the better person that you know, or a better version of myself.

But we don't live together. Oh yeah.

[00:26:34] Stephanie: Yeah. Like my, one of my really good friends is like my ideal situation. We have separate houses. Yes. We come together and I was like, that sounds kind of nice. Yeah. Yeah. You can have like next door condos

[00:26:46] Sharhonda: or something. Sleepover sound grapes. Sleepovers are amazing. Yes.

But like,

[00:26:50] Stephanie: I need my own bathroom closet and

[00:26:51] Sharhonda: bedroom. Yes. It's especially men and bearded men in particular. I'm like, I didn't, how. Oh,

[00:26:58] Stephanie: oh my gosh. When they like, yeah. Shoot their beard in the sink. .

[00:27:03] Sharhonda: Yeah. It's, and they never get all the hair. And I'm like, you didn't even try, you couldn't have tried. I'm looking at it.

This was not an effort. . Yes. Oh my gosh. Okay. But, um,

[00:27:13] Stephanie: you, I know you did the little date recaps Oh yeah. Date stories. So tell me about your recaps on

[00:27:20] Sharhonda: those. So I, okay. Um, . . I started this thing on Instagram where it's like, I don't even have that many followers. Like it's not, it's not a thing. But, um, what I was doing was just saying like, Hey, I'm gonna get back out there after a couple of years.

Lemme take a step back. I was dating somebody. He was great, lovely. The pandemic hit and I was like, Ooh, if the world is ending, . It is not, it's not you . Um, and so that was that. Um, and then, you know, we were in the middle of like a plague and so like inviting people into my space and you know, also wanting to see my family and friends, et cetera.

So like I had a little cuddle buddy where I was like, I've known you, you know me. We know each other's bubbles. So like those needs got. But then I was like, all right, y'all like I'm, I'm gonna look for real companionship again. And, um, just decided to share, I think because a lot of the women in my life who are unpartnered, um, feel deep shame about it and feel like it's hard to say openly that they want something different than what they have now.

And I was like, I'm just gonna. Tell people that this is what I'm doing. I'm not gonna have any shame around it. Um, I'm gonna say exactly what I want. I'm gonna share what the experiences are like so y'all know. What the dating pool is like, and what the dating pool is like for, you know, a 38 year old's progressive, openly queer woman in Los Angeles.

Right? Like, let's do it. And I went, I explored two avenues. So I worked with a matchmaker, um, and I was using an online dating app and. Shared all the stories from like both places. Um, and what was interesting about it is how many women were like, all right, if this is your experience, maybe I can give it a try again.

So many more women were like, I'm gonna do this with you. You know, it's like sometimes it's like when your friend does dry January, you're like, all right girl, I'll try it with you. You know, I support it. Yes. Um, So lots of that. And then I think people were also surprised at how prevalent, um, I think homophobia and, and biphobia in particular remain, um, like I think everybody is like, well, I have a gay cousin, or I have a gay coworker, and it's like, , everybody's cool.

Mm-hmm. . And I'm like, yeah, but it's different when people are confronting the possibility of like building something with you. Right. Um, and so I'm, you know, my dating profiles make very clear. I don't date transphobic or homophobic people. I don't actually openly identify as bi on the apps because I got tired of being approached by couples.

Yeah. Um, . So I tell people in our first conversation like, Hey, this is the thing you should know, but I don't, I don't list it. . Um, and in doing that, you know, people have been. Some of my friends are like, you should write a book or an article about this, cuz this has been wild. Other people have been like, at least do a podcast, you know?

And I'm like, I don't really, no, don't put a mic or a camera in front of me, but yikes. Um, and you know, it has been, it's been interesting, like I've learned a lot about myself, I've learned a lot about my non-negotiables. Um, but I've also learned a lot about just how many people don't really know what they want.

or are afraid to say what they want. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. .

[00:30:56] Stephanie: So that's like the big key takeaway from. Dating,

[00:31:02] Sharhonda: but also people love people. My married friends are the most invested in my dating life. Right? It's like, it's like a thing by proxy for them, right? Um, I never share people's photos or real names on my story recap, right?

I might tell you sort of like, you know, he's a 42 year old man who you. Is a film director, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You might know that. And then we give everybody a little nickname, right? Mm-hmm. , and I refer to them by that nickname. Um, and then I just give the people updates. Like, we went on a date, we did this.

You know, we are, we're still working out. My dog loves 'em, or whatever the situation is. Um, but it was an inter, it has been an interesting way to kind of share. I'm seeing someone now, we are like six months in, um, and. . We'll see. Um, we'll see. But , if it doesn't work, I'm gonna be back on Instagram. Like, Hey y'all, , I'm back out here.

[00:31:57] Stephanie: So what's been the, you know, what's been your fun, funniest story or favorite or an interesting one? Ooh,

[00:32:04] Sharhonda: that's a like to share. It's a good question. Um, what has been a funnier, interesting. Okay here. So , this was bef, this was wild. Okay, so I meet up with this man who is a lawyer. Um, anyway, he's a lawyer and seems super interesting.

Whatever we decide we're gonna meet. at a casual spot downtown on a Saturday after he gets his haircut, right? And I'm like, right, cuz you have like a, as a black man who got a haircut, you have like 48 hours of like, you know, invincibility, you know? And so I was like, fine, I'll meet too after your haircut.

So we pull up at the spot, you know, It's bright and sunny in la so he's wearing sunglasses, et cetera. We sit, we eat something not quite ready for the date to end. So we're gonna go next door to a bar. We walk into the bar and he takes his glasses off and I realize that his eyes are two different colors.

And I was like, huh, I don't think I realize that in his dating photos, you know how you like, you, you're doing that, huh? And so I asked him about it. He was like, oh yeah, you know, like these are contacts. And I was like, two different. Like, did you forget one? You know? And he was like, no, you know, I've just always really deeply identified with like mutants.

And I was like, holy shit, what just happened on this date? , where did this go? So I'm like, I'm gonna ride this one out because this is gonna be a good story . So we continue on this date, right? We, um, You know, we are, we order a drink and he tips the bartender in $2 bills. He like pulls these two, this stack of $2 bills out of his pocket.

[00:33:49] Stephanie: I've never seen a stack of $2 bills, so I

[00:33:51] Sharhonda: ask him, right, because again, at this point I just need to know, and he's like, Yeah. You know, like the banks in little Armenia like always have $2 bills because they give $2 bills for like birthdays and celebrations cuz they're good luck, blah, blah, blah. Okay. So he like has a specific set of banks he goes to to get his $2 bills.

Fine. Why did you tip the bartender and $2 bills? Well, you know, he's just, he's gonna always remember me now. So like when I come in he's gonna be like, yay. And I'm like, this is how you, and we just, it was the most bizarre. Date I had ever been on, did not see it coming. I was like, this man is like thinking he's a mutant who tips in $2 bills and totally normal conversation and exchanges before that.

But in person, I was like, you are an odd duck. You know he's gonna be someone's cup of tea, not mine. So there was no second date, no , no. No.

[00:34:47] Stephanie: Have you gone back to the bar? Have you seen him

[00:34:49] Sharhonda: at all? I have not seen him at the bar. Um, but I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, I'm sure he goes, you know, like, it was, it, it was like very clearly a goal of his to like, make friends with the bartender in this way.

That's so interesting. I know people are weird.

[00:35:03] Stephanie: What? What's the weirdest, what's the second weird? Was this the

[00:35:06] Sharhonda: weirdest thing that was like the, that was like the weirdest. Okay. I had a . I definitely . I had a man ask me about my blood type on a date. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like most people are like, what's your, what's your sign?

Right? And he was like, what's your blood type? And I was like, this is fucking weird. Um, like, need a transfusion. I don't know what was happening. That, that was definitely in a question I got. Um, I. I, yeah, people just do weird stuff, you know? What are some of the other things? Across all

[00:35:40] Stephanie: the ages, across all genders.

Everybody's just a little weird.

[00:35:43] Sharhonda: Everybody's a little weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Okay. Good to know. . It doesn't get better if that's what you were. Ah, yeah. . It doesn't

[00:35:53] Stephanie: have it. No . Yeah. I got my dog, you know, he loves my life and we'll cuddle and, yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you for coming onto the show.

[00:36:03] Sharhonda: Oh yeah, this has been

[00:36:04] Stephanie: really fun. And thank you for sharing. I, I'm gonna follow you and you know, if there's more stories, I'm taking

[00:36:11] Sharhonda: a break. I'm taking a break. You go. I

[00:36:13] Stephanie: wish you the best luck with that , if that doesn't work out. I really can't wait to see the stories. .

[00:36:18] Sharhonda: They are, they are a mess. But, um, I, yeah, again, I think it's just important.

particularly if you are seeking partnership that you, people can't, people in your life are cheering for you. Mm-hmm. and they can't cheer for you if they don't know what you want. Mm-hmm. . So it's good to share. Yeah.

[00:36:34] Stephanie: Yes. Sharing is caring. Yeah. . Well, hopefully we'll chat again soon. Yeah.

[00:36:39] Sharhonda: Thanks for having me so much.

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