"Jealousy isn't a monster — it's data."
That single reframe, dropped midway through an episode of The Vibe with Ky podcast, might be the most useful thing you hear about relationships all year. It came from Oyku Saran and Eric Waldstein, co-founders of Beyond, a vetted dating community that's rethinking everything we've been taught about love, commitment, and what it means to date intentionally.
In the episode "Beyond the Dating Swipe: A Chat with Oyku Saran & Eric Waldstein," host Ky Westcott — a content creator and mental health advocate known for making complex topics accessible to his 2.1 million followers — digs into everything from rebranding ethical non-monogamy to FaceTime vetting men for "vibe checks." But underneath the tactical details is something more fundamental: a blueprint for what modern relationships could look like when built on radical honesty instead of outdated scripts.
If you've ever felt exhausted by dating apps, confused by "situationships," or curious about whether there's a better way to connect — this conversation is for you.
When Ky asks the founders to explain Beyond, Oyku gets straight to it: Beyond is "an app and vetted community for modern relationships" Lumasearch defined as honest, intentional, and inclusive of all relationship styles.
But what does that actually mean when you're swiping through profiles at 11pm on a Tuesday?
According to the podcast, "modern relationships" is Beyond's intentional rebranding of what they used to call ethical non-monogamy (ENM). The shift wasn't about watering down their values — it was about language that meets people where they are. As they discuss, Beyond serves everyone from people with just a drop of curiosity about non-traditional relationships to those deeply experienced in polyamory, open relationships, or other structures outside the monogamous norm.
The thread connecting all Beyond members isn't a specific relationship style. It's a commitment to intentional dating — showing up with clarity about what you want, communicating honestly about your needs, and designing relationships that actually work for the humans involved rather than following a predetermined script.
"The key message is to remember to feel empowered in your decisions when it comes to relationships," Oyku emphasizes toward the end of the conversation. "You have the power to choose and you don't have to subscribe to what your culture or what society tells you."
This is the foundation of modern relationships: agency, honesty, and the radical idea that you get to decide what your love life looks like.
Here's where the conversation gets really good. Most dating advice treats jealousy like a character flaw you need to eliminate. Feel jealous? You're insecure. You're toxic. You need to work on yourself.
But Oyku and Eric flip this completely. Jealousy isn't a monster to defeat — it's information telling you where you don't feel safe in a relationship. Instead of suppressing it or spiraling into shame, you get curious: What is this feeling trying to tell me? What boundary needs to be established? Where do I need more reassurance?
This reframe works whether you're in a monogamous relationship or dating multiple people. The skill isn't eliminating difficult emotions; it's developing the self-awareness to understand what they're communicating and the communication skills to express those needs clearly.
As the podcast reveals, this kind of emotional intelligence is foundational to modern relationships. You can't build on a foundation of honesty if you're lying to yourself about how you actually feel.
Another powerful theme throughout the conversation: the scarcity mindset that dominates traditional dating culture. We've been taught that love is rare, that compatible partners are few and far between, and that when you find someone decent you should hold on for dear life.
This scarcity thinking drives so many toxic patterns — staying in relationships that clearly aren't working, settling for mediocre connections, treating potential partners like competition, or developing a "grass is always greener" mentality that prevents you from actually investing in anyone.
Beyond's philosophy challenges this at the root. There's an abundance of incredible humans in the world. When you operate from this place, you stop forcing connections that aren't aligned. You stop seeing other people's joy as a threat to your own. You start trusting that meaningful relationships are possible — and that you're worthy of them.
This abundance mindset doesn't mean being cavalier about connections or treating people as disposable. It means having enough self-worth to walk away from relationships that don't serve you and enough faith in the world to believe better matches exist.
When Ky asks Oyku to describe Eric's vibe in three words, her answer is revealing: "green flags in men, compassion, and big dick energy."
It's playful, but it points to something important. What does healthy masculinity actually look like in the context of modern relationships dating?
Based on the conversation, it's men who show up with emotional availability, who communicate clearly about their needs and boundaries, and who don't hide behind outdated gender scripts about who initiates, who leads, who's allowed to be vulnerable.
Eric's own contribution reinforces this: modern relationships are fundamentally about radical honesty and approaching connections with "an open mind, open heart" for wherever that honesty leads you.
This matters especially in heterosexual dating contexts where men and women are often operating from completely different playbooks. Recent data shows that 65% of heterosexual Gen Z men actually want deep conversations on early dates, but 42% of women believe men don't want this. The disconnect isn't about desire — it's about permission and expectation.
Beyond creates space for men to show up authentically without performing traditional masculinity, and for everyone to engage with each other as full humans rather than gender stereotypes.
One of the most fascinating details from the podcast: Beyond doesn't just let anyone in. They maintain a rigorous vetting process that includes reviewing applications and — yes — FaceTime vibe checks for men applying to the platform.
As the founders explain, they personally conduct video calls to ensure applicants are genuinely aligned with Beyond's values of honesty, intention, consent, and respect. The result? A 32% approval rate from over 20,000 applicants.
This might sound elitist, but it's actually the opposite. In a dating landscape dominated by bots, catfishing, and people with wildly misaligned intentions, vetting creates actual safety. It signals to members that everyone in the community has been thoughtfully curated. You're not sifting through infinite options hoping to stumble on someone decent — you're connecting with people who've already demonstrated they're serious about showing up authentically.
The FaceTime element is particularly smart for addressing safety concerns that disproportionately affect women and LGBTQ+ folks in dating spaces. It's one thing to craft a perfect profile; it's another to show up live on camera and articulate your values.
But here's where Beyond gets really interesting: it's not just a dating app. As Oyku and Eric discuss, Beyond hosts curated monthly mixers and immersive events that bring members together in real life.
This "dating beyond swiping" approach recognizes something crucial: the best connections still happen offline. You can optimize your profile all you want, but there's no substitute for actual chemistry, for reading someone's body language, for feeling the energy when someone makes you laugh.
The events strategy also solves one of the biggest problems with modern dating apps — the endless texting phase that either fizzles out or becomes a substitute for actual dates. Beyond creates structured opportunities for members to meet face-to-face in low-pressure, high-quality environments.
From intimate dinners to Valentine's Day events, these gatherings aren't just networking opportunities — they're part of Beyond's broader vision of building community around intentional dating and modern relationships. You're not just matching with individuals; you're joining a vetted network of people who share your values.
Near the end of the podcast, Eric distills everything down to its essence: modern relationships are really about "radical honesty and having an open mind, open heart and an open mind for wherever that honesty leads you."
Oyku adds her own take: "Remember to feel empowered in your decisions when it comes to relationships. You have the power to choose and you don't have to subscribe to what your culture or what society tells you. You can just choose what works best for you as long as you're honoring your values."
This is the revolution Beyond represents — not polyamory specifically, not ethical non-monogamy as a set structure, but the fundamental principle that you get to design your own relationship.
Want monogamy? Great. Want to explore dating multiple people? Also great. Want something that doesn't have a label yet? Perfect. The only requirement is honesty — with yourself about what you actually want, and with your partners about what you can offer.
Here's what that looks like practically:
Get clear before you swipe. What do you actually want from dating right now? What are your non-negotiables? Radical honesty starts with being honest with yourself.
Lead with transparency. Don't hide important information about your relationship preferences, life goals, or boundaries until the third date. If something matters to you, say it early.
Treat emotions as information. When jealousy, insecurity, or discomfort arises, investigate it rather than suppressing it. What is this feeling telling you about your needs?
Question the script. The relationship escalator (dating → exclusivity → moving in → marriage → kids) isn't mandatory. Design your relationships intentionally rather than following a default path.
Prioritize real connection. Whether it's Beyond's monthly mixers or coffee with a match, get offline as soon as it feels right. Apps are tools for meeting people, not substitutes for human interaction.
The conversation between Ky, Oyku, and Eric in "Beyond the Dating Swipe" isn't just about promoting a dating app — it's about reimagining what's possible when we stop performing for each other and start showing up honestly.
Whether you're monogamous, polyamorous, or still figuring it out, the principles remain the same: communicate clearly, question inherited scripts, and trust yourself enough to design relationships that actually serve you.
In Oyku's words, you have the power to choose. And in Eric's, all you need is radical honesty and an open heart for wherever that leads.
Ready to hear the full conversation? Listen to "Beyond the Dating Swipe: A Chat with Oyku Saran & Eric Waldstein" on The Vibe with Ky podcast. And if you're curious about exploring modern relationships in a vetted community built on these principles, learn more about Beyond at datebeyond.co.
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